Match!

We have a potential adoption match.... and I have let myself be consumed with worry and doubt.
It's hard not too... but isn't that the story of life! 
I keep refocusing on Lent and reflections, and I've been praying alot both for peace of mind and for my prayer buddy!  But doubt and worry keeps creeping back in.

I must say knowing that I have a prayer buddy praying for me during Lent has been powerful.  When we learned of the potential match and I was sick to my stomach with worry.  But I keep reminding myself of what I know is true--- that this is all in God's hands and that I have a powerful support system, many of whom are praying for us.

So, what can I share about the match...

Just a little... the expetant mom's name is Jenn and I ask anyone that is willing to pray for Jenn during this difficult time.

Jenn seems very certain of her adoption plan.

Jenn is due in early September.

That's all for now.  Peace by with you.

Lent reflections

A week and a half into my Lenten journey... I've had a few "a-ha moments" (for the record, I refuse to credit Oprah for the term "a-ha moments"... more on my love/dislike... really dislike opinion of O later):

• God makes connections where we least expect them.  Both in my teaching of Confirmation and in my general life, I've had a few moments that helped me string together what I was suppose to be learning.  One of the more powerful connections is coming from getting acquainted with  the blog of the Prayer Buddy for whom I am praying.  Several posts she's written have spoken to me in a way that I really needed a reflection.  I know that God brought me to her/her blog to learn and hear Him.  
• Prayer is powerful.  Just knowing that someone in the world, my Prayer Buddy, is praying for me has made my more difficult moments seem less stressful.  It helps keep me in check.  I know that people have always kept my intentions close to their heart... whether it be with my cancer journey or my adoption journey.... aunts, mom, friends have all prayed for me/us.  But having someone that "doesn't have to" pray for me is powerful.
• Grumpy old men have hearts!  Okay, that's an over-simplification of what I am feeling/thinking but it captures the gist.  There's a man at church who've I've always thought to be grumpy and controversial.  He always opposes changes (like a consolidation of masses a few years back that was necessary).  He switched churches in protest.   He's a smart man... a professor.  I've always judged him. I realize now that I did and should not have done so (regardless!).  His kind gesture last Sunday warmed my heart.  I realize now that he is passionate about his faith and wants to share it.  He may have a grumpy exterior but he's got a warm heart!

Well, MJ is out for a walk w/John so I need to skedaddle and get some chores done.  

Letting Go and Letting God.

Every night, I spend some time in prayer as I am rocking Mary Jane.  Our routine is this:
Change her into her jammies (I love snuggling her in clean jammies), she cries, I rock her, I sing her a long song which says good night to all of our family, all of our animals, and all of the stuffed animals, and then, once she is snoozing, I spend some time in prayer.  Some nights I say a Rosary.  Other nights, I say a decade of a Rosary and other prayers.  I use this time to pray for my Lenten Prayer buddy and to pray for myself as well as other family and friends.

Tonight the phrase "Let go and let God" came to me while I was praying. I never have really used that phrase.  I hadn't heard it recently.  I came to me in a divine way and I knew just what it meant.

This week has been hard on the adoption front.   We have had three "ideal" situations present themselves but prove that they weren't meant for us.  I felt much love in knowing that my Lenten Prayer Buddy has been praying for me both as a mom and as a woman wanting to adopt again.  Up until today, knowing that someone out in the world was helping carry me through prayer helped me. 

But tonight is different.  I am alone.  John is tutoring at the local university.  And I was feeling bummed.

And then out of nowhere (well, not out of no where) I "heard" myself say Let Go and Let God.  It made sense.  It is my reminder that only God knows when and if I will have another child.  It is God reminding me of my precious gift in my arms.  How can I waste time wanting and not trusting in God's plan?  The time I waste is taken from Mary Jane.  Wow!  That's some perspective. 

So moving forward... or at least this week, I am going to concentrate on letting go of my worries and concerns about when adoption will happen again and I will trust in God's plan.  Whatever it is will be perfect. 
Just looking at Mary Jane is a reminder that God's plan is perfect. The three babies we planned on adopting weren't for us... but Mary Jane is God's perfect child for US.

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday.  I work in the office on Mondays and Wednesdays.  And wow... it's been tough.  My door has been revolving with women coming into complain about each other.  (I hate office drama!  It's a waste of time!)  It's been super challenging for me.  I hate resolving conflict.  What I'd like to say, is GROW UP!  AND STOP WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME!  No one is innocent in the office conflict so take ownership and move on. 

I am not sure why I shared that..... Okay, I was sharing to put in place where my mind was.

So, we had an interfaith Lenten service at work.  Usually it's just our hospital priest.  He's not the hospital chaplain but rather he calls on our hospital and offers services.  So this  year I was surprised that it was interfaith.  I was also put off that the service was longer than usual.  I NEEDED TO GET BACK TO MY OFFICE AND DEAL WITH DISTRACTIONS! 

For the first three or four minutes, my mind was buzzing.  I was irritated that I couldn't just say a quick prayer, get ashes and get on with my day.  (I know.... wrong but I am being honest). 

I finally opened my ears and heard the homily.  I had dismissed it because it wasn't "the priest".  The homily was lovely and discussed DISTRACTIONS!  I felt like it was spoken just for me.  I am letting distractions come between me and God.

I hadn't used the word DISTRACTION when preparing for this Lenten journey but it summarizes how I feel.  I am focusing on family and keeping myself healthy.  I am slowing down.  Simplifying.  In other words, I  am striving to rid myself of distractions.

I am really excited that I renewed my subscription to The Word Among Us.
It really is a great way for me to stay centered during Lent.  It reminds me of my mission and goals.  To live a life closer to God. 

Mary Jane is crying.  Time to go simplify her life :)

Charlie Sheen and Mardi Gras

Boy, don't the two seem to go together?!  Loud and raucous?!

With all seriousness, the Charlie Sheen thing is driving me crazy.  He clearly has issues.  I hate that the media is providing him a platform for his voice.  Every time I hear another report about him, I cringe.  Why feed the monster?   

Oddly, I met a camera man from his show during Academic Decathlon.  The camera man eluded to the craziness.  The camera man had also worked on Frasier and said it was night and day.  While he was grateful for his long standing job, he said it was just a job.  Where as Frasier was enjoyable and he missed it.

Moving onto Mardi Gras.  I sort of don't like it.  I have my own struggles... and a day that encourages me to indulge excessively seems down right silly.  So instead I am spending "Fat Tuesday" preparing for Lent.  Getting my home in order so that I can be focused on all the areas of my life that need attention.  I can bless myself with slowing down and concentrating in the important stuff.

In a similar vein to preparing for lent, slowing down, and simplifying in the name of Jesus, read Clover Lane's post on questions to ask.

Baby girl gets mama sick

Argh!  So, those who know me know that my immune system stinks at times.  I've been through cancer treatments (times three...or four... depends how you count!) and it's wreaked havoc on my immune system.

So, why am I surprised that I am now sick?  Considering that I've snuggled and kissed on my sweet Mary Jane all weekend? 

I am surprised because she's too sweet to pass along germs.  They are pint sized germs, right?! 

Regardless I am bummed. I can't be the mom  I want to be when I am sick. 

I am also bummed because Lent starts on Wednesday and I am looking forward to six weeks of discipline in all parts of my life.  Being sick at the beginning is tough. 

Off topic--- why do people at church think it's okay to touch MJ's hands and face.  Most of these people are sweet old ladies...  but I worry about germs.  I am nice about it but I'd like to say "Hands off!".
(I think I am cranky!)

Baby girl is sick

Mary Jane is sick with a cold.  No fun. 

Of course, John and I are hypersensitive to her sniffles.  The last runny nose she had landed her in the hospital for four days.  What a first Christmas! 

She's sleeping now but I am unsure if we should take her with sniffles to Mass or not.   We are going to the 10 AM instead of 8 AM since we are meeting the Confirmation Kids. 

John gets seriously sad when she's upset.  And boy was she upset and not feeling well last night.  Hope today is a better day.

First family picture

No, I am not talking about the US's first family.... I am talking about us!

This photo was taken by Rebecca, the nurse that was with us when we met Mary Jane.  Rebecca was a wonderful nurse, so caring, and supportive of adoption.  Apparently, though, she is not much of a photographer.  haha! 

(Notice John's gloves!  In standard hospital procedure, they offered gloves to us.  He was confused and took them.  I couldn't wait to have my warm skin touch Mary Jane's skin.)