Every night, I spend some time in prayer as I am rocking Mary Jane. Our routine is this:
Change her into her jammies (I love snuggling her in clean jammies), she cries, I rock her, I sing her a long song which says good night to all of our family, all of our animals, and all of the stuffed animals, and then, once she is snoozing, I spend some time in prayer. Some nights I say a Rosary. Other nights, I say a decade of a Rosary and other prayers. I use this time to pray for my Lenten Prayer buddy and to pray for myself as well as other family and friends.
Tonight the phrase "Let go and let God" came to me while I was praying. I never have really used that phrase. I hadn't heard it recently. I came to me in a divine way and I knew just what it meant.
This week has been hard on the adoption front. We have had three "ideal" situations present themselves but prove that they weren't meant for us. I felt much love in knowing that my Lenten Prayer Buddy has been praying for me both as a mom and as a woman wanting to adopt again. Up until today, knowing that someone out in the world was helping carry me through prayer helped me.
But tonight is different. I am alone. John is tutoring at the local university. And I was feeling bummed.
And then out of nowhere (well, not out of no where) I "heard" myself say Let Go and Let God. It made sense. It is my reminder that only God knows when and if I will have another child. It is God reminding me of my precious gift in my arms. How can I waste time wanting and not trusting in God's plan? The time I waste is taken from Mary Jane. Wow! That's some perspective.
So moving forward... or at least this week, I am going to concentrate on letting go of my worries and concerns about when adoption will happen again and I will trust in God's plan. Whatever it is will be perfect.
Just looking at Mary Jane is a reminder that God's plan is perfect. The three babies we planned on adopting weren't for us... but Mary Jane is God's perfect child for US.